The Page That Is Addicted To £3.20 Deals Is it a good or bad thing to have created fewer chances than Stewart Downing? That depends on what point you are making. Plus Phil Brown helps you jump the shark...

Stats All Folks Mediawatch is happy to admit that it finds statistics interesting, but we're acutely aware that, in the wrong hands, they become meaningless. After today, we're pretty sure that MailOnline is 'the wrong hands'. 'Liverpool have won all their games WITHOUT Raheem Sterling (and just 40.4% with)... the stats that say the winger who wants out of Anfield is NOT worth it,' reads their headline. Are we allowed to use our eyes? In truth we can't stomach to get past the bullet points at the top, but nor do we need to. They contain plenty enough guff for one day. Firstly the headline: 'Liverpool have won all their games WITHOUT Raheem Sterling (and just 40.4% with)' That's true, but only if you exclude the games where he was introduced as a substitute. Sterling missed the first 61 minutes of the 1-0 home defeat to Aston Villa and the first 69 minutes of the 1-0 defeat to Real Madrid, but we'll ignore that eh? Sterling has also only missed two Premier League matches all season, so congratulations to MailOnline for the smallest sample going. 'Sterling ranks 91st in the Premier League for most successful passes.' That's probably because Sterling has predominantly played as a winger or a central striker. Players in central midfield or central defence are far more likely to complete more passes. Judging an attacker by the number of passes completed is like judging a full-back by how many shots he has had. 'The England starlet has made fewer successful crosses than Alan Hutton' Indeed, but Hutton hasn't made 47% of his starts in a central position, has he? Thus negating the need to cross. Hutton has also completed more crosses than Juan Mata, Ryan Bertrand, Aaron Cresswell, James Milner, Alexis Sanchez, Samir Nasri and Seamus Coleman. Presumably their clubs will 'NOT miss' those players? 'Sterling has tried as many dribbles as Crystal Palace's Yannick Bolasie' To translate: Only Eden Hazard has attempted as many dribbles as Raheem Sterling in the Premier League. Only Hazard, Sanchez and Philippe Coutinho have completed more. 'He has created 75 chances - 10 fewer than West Ham's Stewart Downing' To translate: Only six players in the Premier League have created more chances than Sterling. Two of those (including Downing) have played more minutes. For Liverpool supporters who feel glum today, Mediawatch brings glad tidings. Last season, Liverpool lost 19% of the matches in which Luis Suarez played, but 14% in which he played no part. THE STATS SAY LIVERPOOL ARE BETTER OFF WITHOUT SUAREZ. Lies and damn lies... Sterling Silver 'Pell Will Pay £100m' reads the headline in The Sun. Goodness, that's quite the story guys. Most of the rumours regarding Raheem Sterling have discussed possible transfer fees of £40m or £50m. And yet Manchester City's manager will pay double that fee? Apart from that he didn't say anything of the sort, of course. The quote in question is this: "It is important to have English players but can you sign them? You are talking about trying to sign players from clubs that won't sell them. Can you get Sterling? Maybe if you go to Liverpool with £100 million you can." That quote was made by Manuel Pellegrini on March 16. From "maybe", "if" and "can" to 'will' in two months. Top work. This Could Be Yevhen For Everyone 'Tottenham 'agree transfer deal for Liverpool target Yevhen Konoplyanka'' reads the headline on the Metro website. When Mediawatch sees something in inverted commas on their website, the bulls**t alarm sounds loudly. 'Spurs were believed to be close to signing him in January, only for the player to put the switch on hold until the summer. And now reports in Ukraine say an agreement has been reached for Konoplyanka to move to White Hart Lane this summer.' Those 'reports in Ukraine' link through to a story on Dnipro Dnipropetrovsk's own website. Our fluency in Ukrainian unearths the following sentence: 'According to the British press, the Spurs could announce the signing of Ukrainian as early as next week.' So that's according to reports in Ukraine, according to reports in Britain, then. A non-stop cycle of vague misery. Further investigation reveals the origin of the rumour to be this throwaway line on MailOnline from Sunday: 'Tottenham, who sent scouts to watch Konoplyanka play against Club Brugge in the Europa League quarter-finals last month, are believed to be favoured by the player. Spurs face competition from Everton, West Ham, Monaco and Inter Milan, who are also keen on the talented winger.' That is where the trail ends. From 'are believed to be' to 'agree transfer deal' in three days, via the Ukraine and back.
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